amor de los dos

chente.
mmm...
listen
and
fall in love.
or
watch his performance with alejandro.
i get to see this amazing man in november
for my 19th birthday.
hell fucking yeah.

breaking news is
scarlett johansson just married ryan reynolds
in canada.
congrats to the majorly hotttt couple.
lets hope it works out.
i wonder how it is going from alanis morisette being your gf
to marrying scarlett.
its like night at day.
for reals.
but at least alanis seems to be doing well.
=]

i watched the presidential debate.
i now like obama more than i previously did,
but i would probably still vote for mccain.
damn this depression we're going through.
its killing me.
we need change.
im just afraid obama might be too much change.
i still dont know who id vote for.
and i also hate that mccain is against gays.
bah.
decisions.
all i know is
NO on prop 8!

so.
i have a tough decision to make regarding the weekend.
san diego with my 3 best friends from high school.
or gay day at disneyland with one new bff.
bah.
im so torn.
i know wht i SHOULD do.
but i also know what i WANT to do.



love.

<33

dream

i had a dream.
that i could fly from the highest swing.
i had a dream.

such a beautiful song
by priscilla ahn.
it was heard in the season 4 finale of
greys anatomy.

speaking of greys anatomy,
tonights premiere was a huge disappointment.
seriously.
every good part was fake.
"im carrying your child."
not.
"dereks dead."
not.
gees.
the best part of the night was with hahn and torres.
theyre lesbian virgins.
theyve only been with guys.
so cute.
and i find hahn completely hot.
like fuckkkk.
haha.
lets hope itll be better in 2 weeks, yeah?

on a better note,
im looking forward to the premiere of
Brothers&Sisters.
Such an amazing cast.
I hope it doesnt disappoint.

today was my first day of class.
it was nice.
it reminded me oh how beautiful it is here.
the campus, the city, everything.
complete opposite of the ghetto area i grew up in.
ha.



im still super excited for autumn and cold weather.
ima dork up the ass when it comes to the weather changing
and the holidays.
but know what?
im good with that.
ha.

lets see.
what else?
hmm...

oh!
clay aiken came out.
about friggin time!
we all knew from the beginning.
but geesh.
idk why he felt he had to hide it.
but thats his decision.
and hes out now.
=]
congrats!

so im really glad that im not the type of person to live with regrets,
otherwise,
id probably be living with one right...about..NOW!
haha.
but im a firm believer in everything happens for a reason
and you only learn from your mistakes.
i took a risk today,
knowing it wouldnt go in my favor.
and thats fine with me.
cuz at the end of the day,
i did it.
i have it a shot.
i tried.
ha.

ok.
im off.

love.

<33

hot n cold

you
change your mind
like a girl
changes clothes
yeah you
pms
like a bitch
i should know

so i hate katy perry for popularizing bisexuality
and trivializing it
but this damn song is infectious
and as much as i wanna hate it,
i cant.
fuck.

moving on.
so school starts tomorrow
{well technically today}.
bah.
three back to back classes.
1230 to 5.
no breaks.
boo.
life loves me.
haha.
i wish.

um...
so.
i heard something interesting this week,
which i wont write,
because im not entirely sure who reads this.
but i found this piece of information interesting,
as it pertained to me.
but gosh,
could that information not be further from the truth.
and if it is,
people are amazing at masking who they are and what they feel.
bah.
i wish i could write more.
in fact,
i will.
on my blog that only i can read.
muahahaha.





love.

<33

Si no te hubieras ido

its a great song
originally by marco antonio solis,
but im listening to version by mana.

anyways,
i decided to blog right now
because as i was reading,
lindsay and samantha finally confirmed their relationship,
and the dork i am,
i found that to be super cute.

so,
i just went on youtube
and typed in ana gabriel and vicente fernandez
and theres footage from their vegas concert
and it gave me fucking chills.
these two singers are AMAZING!
there arent two people more legendary in the world of rancheras out there.
Chente is king.
Ana is queen.
Fuck,
i still have chills.
all over.
they wont go away.
gbsvnkjsdfblj


ok. ima go youtube crazy.


love.

<33

building a mystery

people enjoy fucking with my emotions.
seriously.
i never know what to believe or feel,
so i build a wall.
and building walls is never good
but its better than getting hurt.
i hate getting hurt.
it sucks ass.
but idk what this girl is thinking.
no clue.

moving on,
i wrote a song today waiting for the bus.
it was weird.
i dont write songs.
but it kinna just came to me.
so i typed it in my blackberry
and there it shall stay.
my favorite line
and the inspiration is
"i want you like i want a cigarette."
and if you know me,
i dont smoke,
so im not addicted to this person.
cigarettes fuck with my heart,
just like this girl.

hmm....
baby body wash and baby lotion by
Johnson&Johnson is my favorite scent in the world.
for reals.
ima such a kid.

so fall and winter are on their way.
and i would really love if these appeared on my doorstep:

please?


mmkay.

love.

<33

HushHushHush

Love Love Love
the new PCD album.

"i dont want to
do this any longer
I dont want to
say a single word.
Hush hush hush hush hush"

moving on,
hm.
so today i decided i like myself.
like im damn cool for a dork.
i love that i get excited when the seasons change
and how much i look forward to the rain.
I love that i get excited over the smallest things.
i love that im always laughing.
i just love me.
im not perfect.
but im me.
and im good with that.



ok. well i have an early bus to catch.
i just didnt wanna lag on my blogs.

love.

<33

Vivo Per Lei

Now i know not a lot of people listen to opera,
it can be an acquired taste.
however,
since i love EVERYTHING [no exceptions],
i happen to adore opera.
i think its such a beautiful genre of music.
i especially appreciate that most opera artists sing in at least 3 languages,
english, spanish, french, or italian.
i love it.
its all so beautiful.

carrying on,
denial is hard.
as in,
im trying very hard to deny my feelings.
to squander them.
make them nonexistant.
i dont wanna have these feelings for her.
i hate that i do.
so im trying to deny them.
but as a said,
denial is hard.
but as hard as denial can be,
rejection is even harder.
so lets see how this all turns out, yes?

so last night,
well actually it was very early this morning,
i was very honest and frank with someone
who i love very much.
we arent what we used to be,
but id like us to be that again.
however,
this is her decision.
not mine.
i hope she decides yes.
but if she doesnt,
ive already moved on.
ive found life outside of her.
and i know ill live.
there will just be a hole that continues to shrink.
and after enough time,
i wont miss her anymore.
hopefully.

emo post.
lets cheer it up.
hmm....
tomorrow is my day off! yay!
and i cut my hair.
heck yes.

so i really wanted to post a pic on this to make it more cheerful.
my original plan was to post a pic of a rainbow,
but when i went to photobucket and typed in rainbow i found this:

i love it.
so cute.
i totally wish i could do my hair like that.
mmkay.
im ending this on a happy note. lol.

love.

<33

Fannin' street

so i know that a lot of critics put down Scarlett Johansson's CD,
Anywhere I Lay My Head.
They critiqued her voice.
However,
I loved her album.
Its different from a lot of stuff out there.
She didnt make a typical actress to singer album.
She did what she wanted and what she liked,
and i love it.
fuck the critics.
ha.

i was walking today
across the huge paved intersection right by the 405.
cars of all types were passing by,
pushing wind across my face
as i took heavy steps on the hard concrete
in the steamy heat.
my imaginative mind for some odd seconds
took time to pause the usual thoughts
and thought
"what if?"
what if i stepped off the curb of the sidewalk
and ran quickly into the flowing line of traffic?
what if in one defining moment i decided to end everything?
would anyone miss me?
would anyone cry?
would anything change?
would i finally know if heaven exists?
would i be eternally happy?

but as long as i contemplated this,
i contemplated living even longer.
life sucks.
this i know to be a fact.
karma is non existent.
some people get everything,
while others get nothing.
being who you are
doenst always get you who you want.
you never get what you want.
and sometimes you dont even get what you need.

however,
im lucky.
i have someone who will never leave me.
who has never disappointed me.
who never will.
someone i can tell everything to.
someone who has saved me
and will continue to.
He is my everything.
He is all that is good and pure in this world.
He is my savior.

Plus,
in the end,
it can only be uphill from here, right?
a long hill,
with constant peaks and valleys,
but with one point thats high enough to let you touch the sky
and reach for the stars.



love.

<33

soulmate

so i had my itunes on shuffle,
this song came on,
and it could not be more perfect.
seriously.

"somebody tell me
why im on my own
if theres a soulmate for everyone."

this is pretty much what i just finished talking to my friend about.
like i always manage to get screwed from life.
i used to be a bitch,
now im not.
ive changed so much since high school.
ive actually had someone describe me as a sweetheart.
its amazing.

but i guess karma hasnt caught up with me yet.
im still getting all the crap i put into the world while i was in high school.
i want it to end.
in life, i really just want to be happy.
thats all.
im not asking for millions of dollars
or the hottest girlfriend
or fame.
i just want to be happy.
it sounds simple,
but it couldnt be harder.
idk.
sometimes i just feel like giving up on life.
what i want more than anything else in this world,
ill never get.
im over it.

bottle pop

so originally i wasnt going to blog today
cuz i was tired.
BUT
i got my hands on the new Pussycat Dolls cd,
Doll Domination.
and know what?
i got super excited!
ive been waiting and waiting for this ish.
i love what they do,
and i love nicole's voice.
i dont care if she gets all the lead vocals,
she gets them for a reason!
shit,
i watched nicole way back when she was on POPStars.
psh.



so im totally getting down right now to "elevator."
ah.
im so loving this album.
i got the album sampler this weekend,
and im so happy to have the complete album now.
i will say that when you hear a voice other than nicole's,
youre kinna like whoa!
but its nice and different.

"im just trying to elevate ya
like an elevator"

im not a big fan of slow songs in general.
i like songs you can shake your booty to.
but the slow ones on here are actually decent.
when im not in such a hyper mood,
ill listen to them and give my feedback then.
til then,
ima be listening to all the upbeat ish.

oh and there is an extra disc you can get,
its alright,
im not so sure its worth it,
other than that it gives each girl their own song,
however,
not every girl has a voice like nicole...
so...
theyre not all great.

if you wanna figure out how to get the cd,
contact me and ill send you the link.

moving on,
while i listen to doll domination,
i shall move on.
lesbians are drama.
really.
idk why.
they just are.

know what?
its really hard to focus when youre listening to an amazing album,
so im not even gonna try. haha.

peace!

enough cryin'

i havent been able to get this song out of my mind all day.
catchy as heck.

"cuz the sex was good.
you had my mind.
and i let you come back everytime."



alot of ppl should try going by this song.
seriously.
mary j blige.
download!



"ive done enough cryin.
ima do something for me."



moving on,
so i know im probably like one of the last lesbians
to find out that kim from ANTM
is a mtv news reporter and has her on show on mtvU.
i friggin love kim.
shes so damn attractive.
ah.
lesbians. =]



moving on,
i dont believe i have too much to report on the celeb front,
nothing much has stuck out to me.
kanye got arrested.
hes such a dumb ass.
youre famous.
it was your choice.
deal with the paparazzi.
gees.

on a totally non celeb front,
the weather is finally changing,
and i could not be happier.
=]
i love when the leaves change colors,
the sky darkens,
the air chills.
i feel like its such a magical time.
and im so glad im going to get to see it happen once again
in beautiful irvine.
im a dork,
im aware.
but im also damn proud!

anywho,
i was so going to rant on something,
but i cant remember.
ha.
hmm...
lets think...
oh i remember!
i was going to rant about competition.
that was it.

so lets get started.
there is no use competing for someone's affections
if they are interested in someone else,
esp if they are in love with someone else.
it really doesnt matter just how wonderful you are,
theyll never get the chance to see that
cuz theyll be too busy idolizing whomever theyre in love with.
its a lose-lose situation thats promised to end with your feelings hurt.
no matter how badly the person theyre in love with may be
or how poorly they treat them,
the person you want is going to find whatever positives they may have
and glorify them.
"love" blinds people from seeing the truth.
[yes, i am cynical enough to put love in quotations]
love is crap.
and fake.
if you havent learned that yet,
you will.
thats a promise.
;]

peace!

home

i said take me homeeeeeee....

ironically enough,
i am home.
ha.
its a great song originally by marc broussard
but i was just listening to the cover by kelly clarkson.
yes,
i am obsessed.
get over it.
and give it a try.

moving on,
i listened to a sampler for the new pusscat dolls cd,
doll domination.
it sounds amazing.
im definitely getting in,
and if you like them at all,
you should do the same. =]

hm.
im not sure if i have any interesting celeb news to report.
the video for ellen's wedding was released.
cutest thing ever!

this post is taking me forever to type tonight.
idk why.
so closing shifts suck when you have no ride home.
grr.
gotta get that fixeddd.

feelings are retarded.
no offense to anyone.
but they are.
love is a lie.
get over it.
it fails to exist.
take a good look around.
try and find it.
pure and simple and good.
its not there.
not between couples anyways.
what is love anyway?
i hate when people say its something you just know.
thats crap.
love is crap.
life is crap.
am i bitter?
nope?
jaded?
nope.
cynical?
nope.
honest?
yes. =]

mmkay.
peace!

feelin lovee

its a paula cole song.
shes actually quite good if you give her a listen.
so do so. =]

no celeb news to really report.
posh got a makeover.
cut her hair very short.
looks good.
taylor swift's new single love story has been released.
contact me if you want the link for the download.
its a good song.
and its sure to be a good album.

moving on,
why?
if only there was someone who could answer this questions to my satisfaction.
why is it that people have what they dont deserve?
and why is that those who deserve the world have nothing.
patience is overrated.
mine is running out.
its been running out.
im tired of waiting.
im tired of only living part of my life.
however,
there is no escape from this way of living it seems.
im stuck.
forever.
no escape.
can you save me?
thoughts?
opinions?

paloma negra

Paloma negra, paloma negra
Donde, donde andaras?

yes, i am mexican.
and yes,
i am friggin proud of that.
and another yes,
i would love you forever and ever if you bought be tickets to see vicente fernandez in concert this november for my birthday. =]

moving on.
vmas were today.
nothing special.
everything was pretty much a let down.
britney should have performed.
it would have been that much better had she.
oh well.
aside from another amazing performance put on by paramore,
nothing else was too memorable.
christinas performance was alright.
i think what i enjoyed most was before she performed,
when they were showing frames from all her music videos.
it gave everyone a chance to see how much she's changed over the years.
im still preferential to the dirrty era.
what can i say,
im dirrty(with 2 Rs) myself.
heres paramores performance.
its the only one worth watching.

paramore [jonnyalisblog.com]
by Alisvideo

moving on.
im not sure theres really anything else to report.
so....
how bout making me your slave forever and getting me them chente tickets, eh?
lol.


<33

breathe on me

there could not be a more perfect song that couldve come on.
haha.
so i decided i would blog on something very random,
but its stuck on my mind.

i miss that moment.
know which one im talking about?
the one where youre lying down,
your hair is spread across the sheets,
her hands are intertwined with yours,
your legs are in between hers,
she looks down on you with her eyes that say everything,
until she softly touches your neck with her tender lips.
your breath deepens,
your palms quench,
your eyes roll back,
your mouth quietly lets out a gentle moan
because she just took your breath away...

te quiero

Y es que te quiero ohuuuu
Baby te quiero ohuuuu
Desde que te he conoci yo vivo tan feliz

its a cheesy song.
ill admit to that.
but its also catchy as fuck.
te quiero by dj felx.

onto news,
christina aguilera released her new song, "keeps getting better" yesterday.
its alright.
im not too sure what to describe it as.
its definitely not anything youve heard from her.
shes departed from her retro, back to basics feel,
thats for certain.
the chorus goes:
Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my own tricks
but it wont last forever
next day I'm your super girl
and out to save the world and it keeps getting better
im sure the song will grow on me with time,
but for now,
its just alright.
3 stars out of 5.

if youd like the link for the download,
contact me.

continuing on,
i got quite excited when i saw this video here:

Video: Britney's Back!
what else do you think other than,
BRITNEYS PERFORMING AT THE VMAS!
however, sadly,
that isnt the case.
according to PerezHilton and her manager, Larry Rudolph,
thats just britney having fun and rehearsing.

i saw this pic,
and i fell in love.

photo from perezhilton.com

i love lesbians.
i found this pic of lindsay lohan and samantha ronson to be completely adorable.
i esp love the fact that sam is laughing,
it seems to be so genuine.
love, baby.

i just finished watching the premiere of gossip girl.
i think i expected a lot more than i got.
i hated that chuck couldnt manage to open his huge ass mouth
and tell blair that he loved her.
gees.
give me something to work with, seriously.

so while GG was a disappointment,
one tree hill wasnt.
given that the episode has been out for about a week now,
im not going to give a spoliers warning.
i LOVED that finally lucas made the right choice.
LUCAS&&PEYTON.
friggin 5 seasons in the making and it finally happened.
i screamed when i saw that he really choose her.
its what any true OTH fan has been hoping for since the first episode.
am i geeky?
im sure i am.
but know what?
im a HAPPY geek!
take that! lol.

i think thats all on the celeb front.
i covered my basis.
that was everything i found to be of importance.
everything else was just crap. haha.

moving to more personal ish...
arent feelings confusing?
i can never quite seem to figure mine out until its too late.
i feel like im constantly in a state of
"do i?" "dont i?"
its annoying as fuck.
i hate never being able to make a final decision.
i dont think ive had secure, positive feelings about someone since high school.
thats been like about a year.
thats a pretty long time,
eso considering ive been in relationships during that year.
maybe my mind is just too smart for my own good,
and its stopping me from truly liking anyone til its
the one.
i hope this is the case.
because if it isnt,
then im fucked. =]
once again,
i think i like someone,
but im just not quite sure if its actual infatuation,
or just boredom.
only time will tell i suppose.

mmkay.
im off.

<33>